this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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