this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
