why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
