here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
