the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
