Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize