was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
