I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
