If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
