i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
