i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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