I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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