I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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