As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
