He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
