And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
