So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
