i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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