don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
