Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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