I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
