One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize