he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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