i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
