Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
