feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
