Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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