just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
nutella sex= disaster
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
