I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize