didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
