this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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