I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
