Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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