You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
