im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
