dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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