Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
