Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
