so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
