What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we're making bets on your personal life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Randomize
