just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
