sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your tits are I can't wait for
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
