if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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