He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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