my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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