That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one might say we're banned from that church
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
