I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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