I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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