TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it glows. i had to have it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize