There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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