If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
