You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
