Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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