ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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