Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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