his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
