Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
