found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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