He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need to calm my uterus...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
