His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
