We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
