I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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