Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
