They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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