Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
