"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
