Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
