Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
