I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
this is an emotional support booty call
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
